The Perils of Being Easily Wooed

I’m meant to be working on ideas for my major project right now but alas, I’m writing this. Go figure.

I have been working on the script for my major project for who knows how long and am yet to find any idea that I love. The major issue is that this major project will be the culmination of the year, hard evidence to show what we have learnt and achieved. It will hopefully get us work. It is our final ‘film school’ film, that people will endlessly judge us on for years to come (and I’m not blaming them, how else can you get a sense of the type of filmmakers we are?) There’s just so much riding on this fucker, that any attempt to write something immediately gets shot down by my angsty judgmental critic.

I have written rough draft upon rough draft of 3 ideas that I kinda like. They could turn out okay. They’d be reasonably doable. I wouldn’t be ashamed of them. So should I just grab one of these by the teats and run with it? Or should I wait till I find an idea I really love, instead of just settling for kinda like?

Another major issue that plagues me daily is that I’m easily wooed. I wish I wasn’t but it’s the truth. I woo myself constantly from one idea to the next, jumping back and forth, until it just gets to the point where the last thing on Earth I’d want to do is write – and I love writing. Someone loves one idea and I think, this is the one, this is great, this is the shit, but then I get a so so reaction to the same idea, and I treat it like a hideous goiter growing out of my eyelid and I want nothing more than to cut it off and severe any associations it might have with me. But it’s not only from responses from other people, it’s also with myself – I’ll read a draft one morning and love it, come back in the afternoon, read the same draft and feel a strong compulsion to throw my laptop out the window. I always hear that when it comes to creating something, you should just trust yourself and your gut - but what if you’re a fickle fucker with a schizo gut?

So yet again, I’m starting afresh in pursuit of possible finding an idea that I love. Is this the right thing to do? Will I ever actually find something I love? Who the hell knows. But until I reach deadline, I have no other choice.